All Posts Tagged Tag: ‘Fighting’

  • Fear and shame in couple communication

    The number one myth about relationships is that talking helps. More often than not it makes things worse. When couples feel connected, men want to talk more and women need to talk less. According to Stosny’s analysis of several hundred human and animal studies, male […]

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  • Partner abuse by either gender

    Quoted directly and in full from Independent Living Resource Centre for Thunder Bay and the Northwestern Ontario Region, Canada. Characteristics of Abusers If the person you love or live with does these things, it’s time to get help: • Keeps track of what you are […]

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  • Fair fighting part 8 – seventeen ground rules

    Seventeen ground rules for constructive fighting I retrieved this excellent list from an unlikely source: a blog by Tatsumi girl, self described as an OmniSexual Polyamourous Switch involved in several long-term relationships at

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  • Fair fighting part 6 – witnessing

    Witnessing – are the lights on but nobody home? I ask my troubled couples how much self-witnessing or mindfulness they have when they make things worse. Almost all report losing mindfulness and having almost zero witness present in the moments when they do the most […]

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  • Fair fighting part 5 – emotions

    Emotions are multi layered Both the reactive ones and the ones underneath them. Anger, for example, often has fear behind it, despair has loneliness behind it. Few feelings arise alone, mostly they are a mixture of feelings more accurately called an emotion. Love is an […]

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  • Fair fighting part 4 – past intruding

    Unable to stop the past intruding Know the Universe as your self, and you can live absolutely anywhere in comfort. Love the world as your self, and you’ll be able to care for it properly. Tao Te Ching Set an appointment each week and do […]

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  • Fair fighting part 3 – consensus

    Fighting for consensus There is so much to do and so little time in which to do it, so we must go slowly. Never say no to a great idea simply because it is impossible. Schuller Consensus is a process. Each stake holder matters. A […]

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  • Fair fighting part 2

    Principles of fair fight, constructive arguments

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  • Fair fighting part 1

    When attachment security is uncertain, a partner will pursue, fight, and even bully a spouse into responding to attachment cues, even if this has a negative general impact on the relationship. Sue Johnson Anger is neutral but can be expressed in destructive or healthy ways. […]

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