Peter’s couple therapy blog

Sex and aging

Look Peter the basic problem is the old guys are losing their oomph and they need a younger woman’s sex drive to even get it up. They got bored in their first and second marriage and leave when something risky and hot comes along. You can dress it up anyway you like mate, but the basic issues are men’s declining sex drive and their fear of death.

“Momento mori” I thought as I listened to a client’s response to my posts on the older man younger woman pattern – remember you will die. I’m nearly 70 and I haven’t looked at the material on the web about sex and ageing since I ran off with a younger woman, 25 years ago. So I took a look and it’s a boomer’s issue in webland.

After 45 and certainly by 50, erections rise more slowly and become less firm and reliable. Sexual fantasies are no longer enough to raise one. Men need fondling, and as they grow older, often increasing amounts of more vigorous stroking. It’s disconcerting to lose firmness and suffer wilting from minor distractions — a phone ringing — but these change are normal. German researchers surveyed 3,124 older men, 40 percent of whom reported erection difficulties. Ninety-six percent could name an erection drug, but only 9 percent had ever tried one. Cornell researchers surveyed 6,291 older men, half of whom complained of erection problems. How many had tried a drug? Just 7 percent. As older lovers take intercourse off the sexual menu, men no longer need erections, so they don’t need erection drugs. Source

Good news: boomers are living and thriving well into our 80’s and 90’s, as our life expectancy has grown generation to generation. Bad news: around 50, our “tools of love wear down. Source

In our survey, we found that half of men and almost a third of women aged 70 and over were still sexually active, with around a third of these sexually active older people having sexual intercourse twice a month or more. Around two-thirds of men and over half of women thought “good sexual relations were essential to the maintenance of a long-term relationship” or “being sexually active was physically and psychologically beneficial to older people”.

Sexual problems were relatively common, however, with a third of sexually active women reporting difficulties becoming sexually aroused or achieving orgasm. For men, difficulties getting and maintaining an erection was the most common problem, reported by 40% of those who were sexually active. Chronic health conditions and poor self-rated health seemed to have more obvious negative impacts on the sexual health of men compared to women. Source

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