Resources – How to end

One surprising research finding is that of those who first rated their marriages ‘very unhappy’ but stayed married, five years later 80% said they were happily married. In other words most unhappy marriages may well become happy if the couple can hang out with the discomfort at the crossroads. Significantly for promoters of marriage counselling, most will do this without outside help.

It is hard to work through a difficult marriage but it is also tough working through a separation or divorce. The aftermath of an undignified separation can last years, particularly for a low conflict couple (around 50% of marriages). Ending well requires the same team work as is required to mend well.
Ending poorly doesn’t forward the issues to a lost property office. They follow us around and re-appear in the same or another form in the next relationship.
That observation is reinforced by another – that divorces with the greatest potential to harm children occur in marriages that have the greatest potential for reconciliation. Some kids live in the lost property office in marriages that have lost their way, whether their parents break up or not. They are more likely to be retrieved if a difficult relationship either mends or ends well.

In the drop down menus & sub menus in Resources above (Relationships, How to mend & How to end) are maps of the landscape of repairing couple trouble, with tips and tricks for getting there. They have helped many relationships re-attune to the process of repair. The ideas are well tried to the extent that many couples have dug there way out of a hell hole just by reading and dedicating themselves to follow the advice therein. This is also good preparations for couple therapy sessions.