Committed intimate relationships can be the greatest source of health, happiness, self-renewal and a long life, and yet at times it is the place of profoundest misery.
I have spent many years providing couple’s therapy to rehabilitate relationships, to coach and train people to hold on to each other, to be kind and truthful especially during the tough times when life interrupts the dream or when love turns to contempt.
Nature doesn’t outfit us with consistent judgment nor perfect self-knowledge. No more so than in the hot house of an intimate relationship where growth and change is accelerated.
There is no intimacy without vulnerability and all of us bring specific vulnerabilities into our relationship – buttons to press. If our partner’s don’t find them our children certainly will. And those that these people miss life will find in her own way and keep representing it to us until we get it.
Sheer suffering does not teach. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffer alone, however, is intolerable.
Taken in small steps, going slow and working collaboratively will almost always solve couple trouble with wise professional help as mid wife to the process.
In the drop down menus & sub menus in Resources above (Relationships, How to mend & How to end) are maps of the landscape of repairing couple trouble, with tips and tricks for getting there. They have helped many relationships re-attune to the process of repair. The ideas are well tried to the extent that many couples have dug there way out of a hell hole just by reading and dedicating themselves to follow the advice therein. This is also good preparations for couple therapy sessions.