1. Why do we “perforate” our relationships with Exits?
2. What are some of the ways we use to avoid each other?
3. What can we do to gradually change this dynamic in our relationship?
One definition of an Exit is “any behavior that acts out a feeling, rather than expressing it verbally.” An Exit is an unfortunate way of trying solve problems in a relationship. An Exit drains energy from the relationship which in turn contributes to further disconnection and perpetuation of the Power Struggle. In his book, Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. describes this substitute need gratification as being like a hungry cow stretching its neck over a fence to munch on green grass. Partners look elsewhere for gratification. This way of trying to solve relationship issues inevitably fails, and can lead to misery, affairs, and/or divorce.