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Category Archive for: ‘Relationships’

  • What convinced us to get help

    I am living with a stranger. We lost those regular, simple, good things in our relationship. We kept on recycling all the old issues to the point of indifference. We stopped paying attention to each other. We often refuse to be influenced by the other. […]

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  • Relationship repair part 4 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem or an issue – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger or withdrawal […]

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  • Kids and separation – remembering & experiencing

    No matter how you explain it, many children experience you separating from your partner as personal to them – as you leaving them. You can give them a story for their brain to remember, hope they hold on to it for example, that you will […]

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  • Relationship repair part 3 of 10

    3. As couple therapists we invite the adults in the room to bring with them the child states that reside in their body and mind. These are always present in any deep emotional attachment. Below is another way of thinking about the second post in […]

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  • What to practice before coming to couple therapy

    It’s not your job to understand me – it’s mine. Byron Katie If you want to feel sad, believe your thoughts. Intimacy is the mind understanding itself. Practice that thought with the help of these three video sessions by Byron Katie. Here’s the first video […]

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  • Relationship repair part 2 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 2. Communication is in 2 parts: Content – the what – and process – the how. In an argument about whether to go to Brunswick Heads pub on Sunday or Byron […]

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  • Why we choose difficult partners

    Another thought provoking video from Anthony de Botton.

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  • Blind spot check-up overdue

    In my fifty years experience in couple and family therapy I have come to five absolute certainties – one per decade: 1. if you are in a relationship of 9 years duration you are two years overdue for a blind spot/left field check-up. 2. It’s […]

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  • Relationship repair part 1 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here . 1. Patterns are more powerful than people. Situations have a power of their own. Context is everything in the meaning we make of events. Thinking in terms of people, of […]

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  • The Byron Bay couple

    Couple therapy gets a bad rap from customers who break up after going to counselling. So much so that if one partner were to ask to go to couple therapy, the other may believe this is an indication of an unspoken but impending break up. […]

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  • Why you will marry the wrong person

    A provocative statement to raise your awareness and bring some humility into your love life. To soften the edges of certainty about a new relationship or about your long term committed relationship. Here’s the Anthony de Botton video about this.

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  • What to read before coming to couple therapy

    The book that best represents emotion focussed couple therapy is “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson and the workbook to go with that is “An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us” by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald. I reckon these two books […]

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