Category Archive for: ‘Mindfullness’

  • Why you will marry the wrong person

    A provocative statement to raise your awareness and bring some humility into your love life. To soften the edges of certainty about a new relationship or about your long term committed relationship. Here’s the Anthony de Botton video about this.

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  • Self-compassion and self-esteem

    Self-compassion provides a sense of self-worth, but it’s not linked to narcissism the way self-esteem is. It’s not linked to social comparison the way self-esteem is, and it’s not contingent, because you have self-compassion both when you fail and when you succeed. The sense of […]

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  • Individual therapy sessions

    I am interested in how we relate to our internal experiences. It is like a matrix of family relationships inside ourselves. Sometimes it could be likened to a couple: a top dog and an underdog; a part that criticizes us and a part that shuts […]

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  • Top 5 regrets of the dying

    Link to source of the top five regrets of the dying 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. “This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their […]

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  • Failure to disclose at outset of relationship

    When do you tell your new partner relationally significant history – at the outset or wait until the right time. The latter usually post dates the disclosure to a time when the partner may feel they entered the relationship under false pretences. That is, had […]

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  • Lucy & Bart 2

    THE CAVALRY ARRIVES Lucy and Bart’s capacity to know and feel their experience in the moment is at an embryonic stage of development. This is true of all humanity. We place all sorts of interruptions in the way of experiencing what is happening inside ourselves. […]

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  • How Gottman predicts separation/divorce 1

    THE FIRST SIGN: HARSH STARTUP A relationship’s breakdown can be predicted by habitual harsh startup and frequent flooding brought on by the relentless presence of the four horsemen (described in following posts 2 & 3) during disagreements. Although each of these factors alone can predict […]

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  • Four common misunderstandings

    Problem 1 Misunderstanding the difference between a feeling and an emotion, may be the cause of fundamental errors in thinking about love and happiness. Ideas such as I want to feel love and feel loved are very different when discussed with the understanding that love […]

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  • Fair fighting part 6 – witnessing

    Witnessing – are the lights on but nobody home? I ask my troubled couples how much self-witnessing or mindfulness they have when they make things worse. Almost all report losing mindfulness and having almost zero witness present in the moments when they do the most […]

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  • Fair fighting part 5 – emotions

    Emotions are multi layered Both the reactive ones and the ones underneath them. Anger, for example, often has fear behind it, despair has loneliness behind it. Few feelings arise alone, mostly they are a mixture of feelings more accurately called an emotion. Love is an […]

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  • Relationship success part 5 – consequences

    Responses to threats and unpleasantness are faster, stronger and harder to inhibit than responses to opportunities and pleasures. Jonathan Haidt The wimps survived Those who survived the journey out of Africa (and we are ALL their children diversified) attend to our fears more than to […]

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  • Relationship success part 3 – diversity & plasticity

    Nature’s method for success Nature’s habit and her measure of success is diversity. Diversity is difference. Humans are rarely comforted by difference, yet they crave it. Even identical twins are not identical (different fingerprints too) and no two siblings can ever grow up in the […]

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