Category Archive for: ‘Mending’

  • Relationship repair part 4 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem or an issue – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger or withdrawal […]

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  • Relationship repair part 3 of 10

    3. As couple therapists we invite the adults in the room to bring with them the child states that reside in their body and mind. These are always present in any deep emotional attachment. Below is another way of thinking about the second post in […]

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  • What to practice before coming to couple therapy

    It’s not your job to understand me – it’s mine. Byron Katie If you want to feel sad, believe your thoughts. Intimacy is the mind understanding itself. Practice that thought with the help of these three video sessions by Byron Katie. Here’s the first video […]

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  • Relationship repair part 2 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 2. Communication is in 2 parts: Content – the what – and process – the how. In an argument about whether to go to Brunswick Heads pub on Sunday or Byron […]

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  • Relationship repair part 1 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here . 1. Patterns are more powerful than people. Situations have a power of their own. Context is everything in the meaning we make of events. Thinking in terms of people, of […]

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  • What to read before coming to couple therapy

    The book that best represents emotion focussed couple therapy is “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson and the workbook to go with that is “An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us” by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald. I reckon these two books […]

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  • Readiness – one leans in, the other leans out

    Most couples who seek help have taken between five and seven years to get there. The usual difficulty is that one person feels overwhelmed by the issues and withdraws when it comes up. The other person feels overwhelmed by the issues and pursues them when […]

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  • Trauma fiction – “The Dream Life Of Debris”

    Twelve-year-old Paul loves to walk the train tracks of suburban Adelaide. One day as he’s walking with his faithful Jack Russell, he witnesses something he doesn’t understand. He buries the memory deep in his subconscious, choosing instead to dwell on dreams. As an adult, his […]

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  • Top 5 regrets of the dying

    Link to source of the top five regrets of the dying 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. “This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their […]

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  • Couple therapy like assembling an airplane in flight

    Not all counselors are trained to navigate the turbulence of relationship distress. The most effective couples therapy doesn’t plumb the unconscious or delve into the past or seek to identify the psychopathologies causing people to behave in destructive ways. Rather, couples therapy works best when […]

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  • Road blocks to intimacy

    In a road block or core impasse, both partners are guarding their vulnerabilities, and acting and reacting from their survival positions. This is what makes the impasse so heated, confusing, and intense. Road blocks or impasses at the core of an intimate relationship bring couples […]

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  • Family business couples 3

    DEAL BREAKER Number 1 – Disengagement In Brené Brown’s book “Daring Greatly: How The Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms The Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” on page 51 she writes about trust and betrayal in a simple and refreshing way. She compares it […]

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