Category Archive for: ‘Couple research’

  • What to watch before coming to couple therapy

    Listen to a couple of Esther Perel podcasts or watch one of her talks on TED. You could do a couple therapy intensive at home without a therapist present by scheduling one of her podcasts or talks each day for a month. Emerse yourselves in […]

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  • FIFO relationship

    Long distance commuting – fly, drive or bus Is it hard being a FIFO wife? I get asked this constantly. I also get oh you poor thing being on your own all that time coping with the kids. However, my take on it is this […]

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  • Why do some men choose younger partners?

    Is it about survival? A younger spouse is likely to be less beneficial for women’s survival than for men’s survival. Having a younger spouse is usually beneficial for men but detrimental for women, while having an older spouse tends to be detrimental for both sexes. […]

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  • Does a big age gap affect couple satisfaction?

    People with partners significantly younger than themselves start out happier, but many experience a sharper decline in satisfaction over time compared to similarly-aged partners. This is usually apparent within 10 years from the start of the relationship. An age gap of six years or more is […]

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  • Fear and shame in couple communication

    The number one myth about relationships is that talking helps. More often than not it makes things worse. When couples feel connected, men want to talk more and women need to talk less. According to Stosny’s analysis of several hundred human and animal studies, male […]

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  • Couple therapy like assembling an airplane in flight

    Not all counselors are trained to navigate the turbulence of relationship distress. The most effective couples therapy doesn’t plumb the unconscious or delve into the past or seek to identify the psychopathologies causing people to behave in destructive ways. Rather, couples therapy works best when […]

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  • Road blocks to intimacy

    In a road block or core impasse, both partners are guarding their vulnerabilities, and acting and reacting from their survival positions. This is what makes the impasse so heated, confusing, and intense. Road blocks or impasses at the core of an intimate relationship bring couples […]

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  • Why people in life partnerships live longer

    What I want to tell you about five myths concerning marriage that are common and to tell you why they’re all wrong. First I’ll just run through the myths and then I’ll demolish them. This is a follow up article on my blog post Will […]

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  • Partner abuse by either gender

    Quoted directly and in full from Independent Living Resource Centre for Thunder Bay and the Northwestern Ontario Region, Canada. Characteristics of Abusers If the person you love or live with does these things, it’s time to get help: • Keeps track of what you are […]

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  • Will divorce will make it better?

    Unhappy marriages are less common than unhappy spouses Divorce didn’t typically: reduce symptoms of depression raise self-esteem increase a sense of mastery This was true even after controlling for race, age, gender & income. Even unhappy spouses who had divorced & remarried were no happier […]

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  • How Gottman predicts separation/divorce 3

    THE THIRD SIGN: FLOODING Usually people stonewall as a protection against feeling flooded. Flooding means that your spouse’s negativity — whether in the guise of criticism or contempt or even defensiveness — is so overwhelming, and so sudden, that it leaves you shell-shocked. You feel […]

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  • How Gottman predicts separation/divorce 2

    THE SECOND SIGN: THE FOUR HORSEMEN A harsh startup sounds the warning bell that the couple may be having serious difficulty. As the discussion unfolds, Gottman continues to look out for particular types of negative interactions. Certain kinds of negativity, if allowed to run rampant, […]

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