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Category Archive for: ‘Communication’

  • Couple communication strategies 2

    Strategies for Ending Arguments Gottmans’ research indicates that relationship success is not dependent on whether couples argue or not. It’s how they argue, and how they repair (see my series on repair). Conflicts are unavoidable in any intimate relationship and they can contribute to growth […]

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  • Couple communication strategies 1

    Couple communication strategies need to be practiced over and over again until they become habitual. Reading about communication skills is meaningless until they are put into action frequently and at every opportunity, face to face, email, text, video chat, phone etc.. You are trying to […]

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  • Re-build rapport and trust

    Steps to rebuilding trust may be the same as starting a new relationship. Even in long term committed relationships, partners can become strangers to each other. More so when there has been a breach of trust. It can be awkward to start again. What should […]

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  • Fear and shame in couple communication

    The number one myth about relationships is that talking helps. More often than not it makes things worse. When couples feel connected, men want to talk more and women need to talk less. According to Stosny’s analysis of several hundred human and animal studies, male […]

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  • I had to ask my partner to be kind to me

    This is the beginning of an article from a series The Guardian is running on the experience of a fragmenting relationship that leads to divorce. “I have many moments that come to mind if I try to pinpoint when, exactly, it was obvious that my […]

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  • Four common misunderstandings

    Problem 1 Misunderstanding the difference between a feeling and an emotion, may be the cause of fundamental errors in thinking about love and happiness. Ideas such as I want to feel love and feel loved are very different when discussed with the understanding that love […]

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  • Fair fighting part 8 – seventeen ground rules

    Seventeen ground rules for constructive fighting I retrieved this excellent list from an unlikely source: a blog by Tatsumi girl, self described as an OmniSexual Polyamourous Switch involved in several long-term relationships at http://goo.gl/9NOvfT

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  • Fair fighting part 7 – talk, laugh and play

    Forgotten how to talk, laugh and play? When Betty is upset with Allan, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing’s happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a ‘dialogue’ about their relationship. […]

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  • Fair fighting part 6 – witnessing

    Witnessing – are the lights on but nobody home? I ask my troubled couples how much self-witnessing or mindfulness they have when they make things worse. Almost all report losing mindfulness and having almost zero witness present in the moments when they do the most […]

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  • Fair fighting part 5 – emotions

    Emotions are multi layered Both the reactive ones and the ones underneath them. Anger, for example, often has fear behind it, despair has loneliness behind it. Few feelings arise alone, mostly they are a mixture of feelings more accurately called an emotion. Love is an […]

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  • Fair fighting part 4 – past intruding

    Unable to stop the past intruding Know the Universe as your self, and you can live absolutely anywhere in comfort. Love the world as your self, and you’ll be able to care for it properly. Tao Te Ching Set an appointment each week and do […]

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  • Fair fighting part 3 – consensus

    Fighting for consensus There is so much to do and so little time in which to do it, so we must go slowly. Never say no to a great idea simply because it is impossible. Schuller Consensus is a process. Each stake holder matters. A […]

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