Peter’s couple therapy blog

This blog is Peter Fox thinking out loud about couple therapy work. Face to face in session he is as thoughtful but less talkative.

  • Is divorce the last resort

    A controlled separation is preferable to divorce. Even when a couple divorce, unhappily married adults who divorced are no more likely to report emotional and psychological improvements than those who stayed married. The most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated […]

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  • Relationship repair part 6 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 6. Think behavior not emotion. Many of us falsely believe that we need to feel like it to do it, which means if we don’t feel like it, we won’t or […]

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  • What holds us back from getting help

    We take almost all the decisive steps in our lives as a result of slight inner adjustments of which we are barely conscious. Sebold Early in the development of relationships problems, fear and shame hold us back from seeking help. The more connected we are […]

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  • Relationship repair part 5 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 5. Think present not past. When you are struggling in a relationship, it’s easy for your mind to automatically scan through the past, collecting further evidence of injustices and mistreatment. It […]

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  • What convinced us to get help

    I am living with a stranger. We lost those regular, simple, good things in our relationship. We kept on recycling all the old issues to the point of indifference. We stopped paying attention to each other. We often refuse to be influenced by the other. […]

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  • Relationship repair part 4 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem or an issue – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger or withdrawal […]

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  • Kids and separation – remembering & experiencing

    No matter how you explain it, many children experience you separating from your partner as personal to them – as you leaving them. You can give them a story for their brain to remember, hope they hold on to it for example, that you will […]

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  • Relationship repair part 3 of 10

    3. As couple therapists we invite the adults in the room to bring with them the child states that reside in their body and mind. These are always present in any deep emotional attachment. Below is another way of thinking about the second post in […]

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  • What to practice before coming to couple therapy

    It’s not your job to understand me – it’s mine. Byron Katie If you want to feel sad, believe your thoughts. Intimacy is the mind understanding itself. Practice that thought with the help of these three video sessions by Byron Katie. Here’s the first video […]

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  • Relationship repair part 2 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 2. Communication is in 2 parts: Content – the what – and process – the how. In an argument about whether to go to Brunswick Heads pub on Sunday or Byron […]

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  • Why we choose difficult partners

    Another thought provoking video from Anthony de Botton.

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  • Blind spot check-up overdue

    In my fifty years experience in couple and family therapy I have come to five absolute certainties – one per decade: 1. if you are in a relationship of 9 years duration you are two years overdue for a blind spot/left field check-up. 2. It’s […]

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