Peter’s couple therapy blog

This blog is Peter Fox thinking out loud about couple therapy work. Face to face in session he is as thoughtful but less talkative.

  • Relationship repair part 8 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 8. Think support. You can make changes on your own but it is a lot easier with support. Obvious support are people in your close network – your friend who encourages […]

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  • Looking after yourself after the bushfires

    Excellent article self-care after a disaster from beyond blue. “Communities and individuals affected by a disaster can experience a range of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that can be intense, confusing and frightening. These are common reactions to an extraordinary situation. Fear, for example, is an […]

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  • Couple communication strategies 1

    Couple communication strategies need to be practiced over and over again until they become habitual. Reading about communication skills is meaningless until they are put into action frequently and at every opportunity, face to face, email, text, video chat, phone etc.. You are trying to […]

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  • Relationship repair part 7 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 7. Think small steps. The hug is actually a good place to start. Because change creates anxiety, both change and anxiety are best approached in small steps. Because the goal is […]

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  • Is divorce the last resort

    A controlled separation is preferable to divorce. Even when a couple divorce, unhappily married adults who divorced are no more likely to report emotional and psychological improvements than those who stayed married. The most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated […]

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  • Relationship repair part 6 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 6. Think behavior not emotion. Many of us falsely believe that we need to feel like it to do it, which means if we don’t feel like it, we won’t or […]

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  • What holds us back from getting help

    We take almost all the decisive steps in our lives as a result of slight inner adjustments of which we are barely conscious. Sebold Early in the development of relationships problems, fear and shame hold us back from seeking help. The more connected we are […]

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  • Relationship repair part 5 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 5. Think present not past. When you are struggling in a relationship, it’s easy for your mind to automatically scan through the past, collecting further evidence of injustices and mistreatment. It […]

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  • What convinced us to get help

    I am living with a stranger. We lost those regular, simple, good things in our relationship. We kept on recycling all the old issues to the point of indifference. We stopped paying attention to each other. We often refuse to be influenced by the other. […]

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  • Relationship repair part 4 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem or an issue – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger or withdrawal […]

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  • Kids and separation – remembering & experiencing

    No matter how you explain it, many children experience you separating from your partner as personal to them – as you leaving them. You can give them a story for their brain to remember, hope they hold on to it for example, that you will […]

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  • Relationship repair part 3 of 10

    3. As couple therapists we invite the adults in the room to bring with them the child states that reside in their body and mind. These are always present in any deep emotional attachment. Below is another way of thinking about the second post in […]

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