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Category Archive for: ‘Relationships’

  • Why we choose difficult partners

    Another thought provoking video from Anthony Bourdain.

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  • Blind spot check-up overdue

    In my fifty years experience in couple and family therapy I have come to five absolute certainties – one per decade: 1. if you are in a relationship of 9 years duration you are two years overdue for a blind spot/left field check-up. 2. It’s […]

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  • Relationship repair part 1 of 10

    This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here . 1. Patterns are more powerful than people. Situations have a power of their own. Context is everything in the meaning we make of events. Thinking in terms of people, of […]

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  • The Byron Bay couple

    Couple therapy gets a bad rap from customers who break up after going to counselling. So much so that if one partner were to ask to go to couple therapy, the other may believe this is an indication of an unspoken but impending break up. […]

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  • Why you will marry the wrong person

    A provocative statement to raise your awareness and bring some humility into your love life. To soften the edges of certainty about a new relationship or about your long term committed relationship. Here’s the Anthony de Botton video about this.

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  • What to read before coming to couple therapy

    The book that best represents emotion focussed couple therapy is “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson and the workbook to go with that is “An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us” by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald. I reckon these two books […]

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  • What to watch before coming to couple therapy

    Listen to a couple of Esther Perel podcasts or watch one of her talks on TED. You could do a couple therapy intensive at home without a therapist present by scheduling one of her podcasts or talks each day for a month. Emerse yourselves in […]

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  • 5 core needs

    Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all the time behaving to meet these needs, but we don’t necessarily behave effectively in meeting them. Power (which includes achievement and feeling worthwhile as well as winning). Love & Belonging (includes groups as well […]

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  • What to do before coming to couple therapy

    Get this Card Decks app from the Gotmman Institute and together, working as a team, start with the Love Maps section: Couple Cards You may find some of the questions challenging. Take it slowly and allow yourself to be curious and kind with each other. […]

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  • Readiness – one leans in, the other leans out

    Most couples who seek help have taken between five and seven years to get there. The usual difficulty is that one person feels overwhelmed by the issues and withdraws when it comes up. The other person feels overwhelmed by the issues and pursues them when […]

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  • Sex and aging

    Look Peter the basic problem is the old guys are losing their oomph and they need a younger woman’s sex drive to even get it up. They got bored in their first and second marriage and leave when something risky and hot comes along. You […]

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  • Do some men not want to grow up?

    I put this question to a friend the other night who I met myself on OKCupid and who is four years my senior. His response smacked me right upside the head. “Well, in my experience, women don’t tend to be as enthusiastic about sex once […]

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