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Category Archive for: ‘Mending’

  • What to read before coming to couple therapy

    The book that best represents emotion focussed couple therapy is “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson and the workbook to go with that is “An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us” by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald. I reckon these two books […]

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  • Readiness – one leans in, the other leans out

    Most couples who seek help have taken between five and seven years to get there. The usual difficulty is that one person feels overwhelmed by the issues and withdraws when it comes up. The other person feels overwhelmed by the issues and pursues them when […]

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  • Trauma fiction – “The Dream Life Of Debris”

    Twelve-year-old Paul loves to walk the train tracks of suburban Adelaide. One day as he’s walking with his faithful Jack Russell, he witnesses something he doesn’t understand. He buries the memory deep in his subconscious, choosing instead to dwell on dreams. As an adult, his […]

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  • Top 5 regrets of the dying

    Link to source of the top five regrets of the dying 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. “This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their […]

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  • Couple therapy like assembling an airplane in flight

    Not all counselors are trained to navigate the turbulence of relationship distress. The most effective couples therapy doesn’t plumb the unconscious or delve into the past or seek to identify the psychopathologies causing people to behave in destructive ways. Rather, couples therapy works best when […]

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  • Road blocks to intimacy

    In a road block or core impasse, both partners are guarding their vulnerabilities, and acting and reacting from their survival positions. This is what makes the impasse so heated, confusing, and intense. Road blocks or impasses at the core of an intimate relationship bring couples […]

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  • Family business couples 3

    DEAL BREAKER Number 1 – Disengagement In Brené Brown’s book “Daring Greatly: How The Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms The Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” on page 51 she writes about trust and betrayal in a simple and refreshing way. She compares it […]

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  • How Gottman predicts separation/divorce 8

    MEN AND WOMEN REALLY ARE DIFFERENT “In 85 percent of marriages, the stonewaller is the husband. The reason lies in our gender. “Any nursing mother can tell you that the amount of milk she produces is affected by how relaxed she feels, which is related […]

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  • How Gottman predicts separation/divorce 7

    THE END DRAWS NEAR “When a marriage gets to the point where the couple have rewritten their history, when their minds and bodies make it virtually impossible to communicate and repair their current problems, it is almost bound to fail. They find themselves constantly on […]

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  • How Gottman predicts separation/divorce 6

    THE SIXTH SIGN: BAD MEMORIES “When a relationship gets subsumed in negativity, it’s not only the couple’s present and future life together that are put at risk. Their past is in danger, too. Couples who are deeply entrenched in a negative view of their spouse […]

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  • Emotional Safety – pre-condition for successful couple therapy

    Emotional Safety: A Cornerstone For Healing by Linda Marks. I retrieved this article and quoted in full from http://www.ofspirit.com/lindamarks3.htm on 15.09.15 “While multitudes of theories and techniques to facilitate healing abound, in nearly fifteen years of clinical practice I have found one element to be […]

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  • Lucy & Bart 3

    FLOODING This fictional couple have been struggling with self-limiting interactions for about six years. Mostly they have a great time with each other. Have similar senses of humour and share most of their leisure activities. Apart from his choice of franchise, they share many core […]

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